All that shoveling last week paid off! And the walking… and the yoga-ing (Thanks, to Amanda over at Getting Fit for 30!)… and well, you get the point!
- Starting Weight: 353.4 lbs
- Last Week: 273.8 lbs
- Current Week: 271.4 lbs
- This week’s change: -2.4 lbs
- Change overall: -82.0 lbs!
So, I’ve passed the 80-pound mark, which is monumental. AND next week marks half a year since I started on this journey.
But I want to talk about something a little more substantial. So much of the time, I have been feeling really great, but lately, there’s been something else. One day last week, I was out shoveling my sidewalk, and there was a group of teenagers playing basketball in the alley behind my house. I don’t even know that it was directed at me or if she was heckling her friend while they were playing, but one of the girls yelled, “Big Booty Judy!” and I immediately felt like I had a target on back. I guess I would know if it was directed at me had I been able to make eye contact. I know I can’t be tied up in the number on the scale, but I also know that yeah, I’m still very large. While I know I shouldn’t put any stock in the words of a teenager, I just feel so many things related to this experience: uncomfortable, failure, sad, pathetic, torn, guilty.
So, my question is this: When does this part stop? I’ve lost 80 pounds. When do I stop being so affected by the negative opinions of others in regards to my weight? I’ve worked so hard. I know it’s still early in my journey, but how much longer do I need to work through this? More importantly, what do I do to work through this? I feel like I’m constantly giving myself pep talks, and I avoid negative self-talk.
I know I’ve briefly touched on self esteem before. In general, I have excellent self-esteem. I know that I am pretty and smart, and what I weigh doesn’t usually affect that. Every so often, though, that doubt creeps in. The I’m-not-worthwhile feeling. It infuriates me that these feelings can show up just because of one remark from a stranger… and I’m not even sure that remark was directed at me!
Do you have any advice? How was your week?