Let’s Talk About Sex


I’ve been married for 4 years, and I’ve been with the same dude for the past 6.5 years. I’m not an old married lady, but we’re not exactly newlyweds.

With this weight loss, there have been some changes. (TMI ahead!)

I’ll be honest, my sex drive has always been higher than my husband’s. This has always been a bone (ha!) of contention between us. It’s not like I need it every day, but it’s safe to say that I’d like it more often than I actually get it.

Over the past 4 months, the amount of time we have spent together in the sack has dramatically increased. Between some personal issues we’ve had going on and a change in jobs on D’s part, I am now getting it on the regular. I’m also attributing this trend to the weight loss.

I’m not saying that he ever made me feel less than beautiful. D has always made it a point to tell me that he loves me, and that I’m gorgeous (or, in his words, “a hot woman”). What I am saying is that we were in a rut, health-wise and otherwise.

When he was on top, my hips ached. When I was on top, he couldn’t breathe because I smashed him, and my wrists would hurt from supporting myself. Sex really wasn’t fun anymore; it was a marital obligation, and one that we didn’t often meet. Sometimes, we went as long as 3 months without doing the deed, not just because it was an exercise in discomfort, but also because we worked opposite schedules. I slept alone most of the time for the better part of 4 years!

So, D now has a job on a similar schedule to mine, and it’s a more active job. He’s constantly walking, moving, and lifting, whereas before, he stood all day, but I’m pretty sure it was all in the same spot. So now, he gets home from work, and I have dinner waiting for him. We sit at the kitchen table together, and we really talk. It might seem mundane to some people, but we basically only saw each other on weekends for at least 4 years. For us to sit down regularly and have small talk about our day… it’s amazing. We’re on the same page, and I think this also contributes to the reconnecting between the sheets.

Anyway, I digressed. Have I mentioned that my handsome hubby has lost about 30 pounds, thanks to his new job and my awesome cooking skills? I know I’ve mentioned that I’m more energetic! So, add in my 60-odd pounds, and we’ve almost lost a whole person between the two of us. We can do things we haven’t been able to do in a while. We can get closer without that extra person between us. And I can bend.

The other night specifically, we discovered that the yoga is paying off, and I am getting crazy bendy again. This bendiness was so impressive that we recapped the highlights the next day like it was SportsCenter or something. We tried positions we haven’t tried in years!

I needed to write this post so I can look back at it later and remember. When I think about giving up or struggle to remember why I started this journey, I need to remember everything. Yes, there were other factors at play, but our joint unhealthy lifestyle was killing the intimacy in our marriage.

My husband is really, really sexy, and I can’t believe that I chose food over him for so long!

10 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Sex

  1. I’m glad you wrote this post because it is an area I have struggled with too, with increasing weight gain. (I peaked at 106kg and now am about 100kg – maybe more due to Christmas bingeing). Both hubby and I have gained 20+ kg since our marriage (me 36kg at my heaviest – I started off at 70kg) and so things can get awkward in the bedroom. That said, with each kg shed, my confidence is returning, and now that I have finally weaned off my anti-depressants (took 6 months) my desire for sex has returned a bit more. That last thing you wrote really hit me between the eyes – ” I can’t believe I chose food over him for so long”. I echo that sentiment and I hope it stays in my mind next time I think of bingeing.


    • I know exactly what you mean about the anti-depressants! I tried them for a while a few years back (it took longer to wean myself off than I actually spent on them, I swear!), and I was to the point where when we did have sex, I couldn’t finish. It was so frustrating for both of us (we had just gotten married a few months prior).


      • Yes- I can relate to that too. Poor hubby could count on two hands in a 3 year period, the number of times we had sex, I reckon. At least I am initiating things a little more now, and I can actually reach a climax, which I couldn’t on antidepressants. Glad you got off them too. I am going to try the pill possibly to help my bad mood swings with PMS. The rest of the time I am doing great.


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